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Daily Poll
February 13, 2008 *Points: Tuberculosis Threatens Web Support *Truths: smoking, cigarettes, Henry Hager, Narlboro, macaca, Internets, tubes What shall be done to disinfect the tubes of smoke? Make more French googly eyed clams to smoke them instead. Hire Henry Hager to find a solution with the White House. Install a clean nicotine filter on each tube. Ask why the Canadian organization that published the research hates macacas. February 12, 2008 *Points: Nancy Pelosi's tube, Conyers Attacked by America Haters *Truths: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, The Greatest Vice President EVER!, Hate America Firsters, Truthiness Alert Color Code, Color Codes for Terror and Alarm House Judiciary Chairman Conyers was flooded with pro-impeachment stuff from the tubes today. Is it time for: Flooding Pelosi's tubes. Changing the threat level to orange. A Bush press conference. Loading Dick Cheney's gun. February 11, 2008 *Points: Does Conyers Consider Impeachment Lynching?, Pelosi Begs for Comments, Mukasey Approves Silence *Truths: THE Greatest Vice President EVER!, The Colbert Bump, John Conyers, Attorney General Mukasey, Democrats, waterboarding, Robert Wexler Why would Conyers consider impeachment hearings for Vice President Cheney? He's a liberal. He's a Democrat. Pelosi is waterboarding him. He's jealous of Robert Wexler's Colbert bump. February 10, 2008 Should polls be closed on God's day of rest? Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! If the Jews don't move it to Saturday. Can we still watch TV? February 9, 2008 *Points: Obama Mo, Vote count nerds, Obama pwns Clinton *Truths: America's Party, Barack Hussein Obama, voting, Dems, Real Americans, John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Chelsea, Ann Coulter People in red states is vote'n more in Dem caucuses than Republican caucusi. What has happened to America's Party? They has forgotten the lessons of the 9/11. John McCain puts them to sleep. Mrs. McCain looks like Ann Coulter, but too old. They want to see Hillary Clinton nursing baby Chelsea. It's just a caucus. Real Americans are at churches. The ones not holding a caucus. February 8, 2008 *Points: Support the Troops *Truths: troops, health care, health insurance, bootstraps, Blackwater, Halliburton The liberals is complaining about troops health care. What learnings do they need? Health insurance trickles down. You go to war with the health coverage you got, not what the Army provides. Bootstraps, learn to pull. VA Hospitals is for Army executives and Blackwater employees. If you give them health care, pretty soon raped Halliburton employees will expect it too. February 7, 2008 *Points: $170 Billion, Taliban Surge *Truths: The Taliban, billion, surge, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Hannity & Colmes How much more should we give President Bush-Cheney for the mini-surge in Afghanistan for the resurgent Taliban? $170 Billion. What does Rush Limbaugh say? What does Bill O'Reilly say? How much makes that big headed weasel on Hannity & Colmes jump? February 6, 2008 *Points: God Sends Tornadoes at Voters, Mississippi Cowers, Book Readers Punished *Truths: The Greatest President EVER!, God, voting, global warming, Al Gore What will President Bush do about the tornadoes? Declare the War on Weather. Hunt them down and bring them to justice. Blame the scientists. Nothing. Let people feel God's wrath for voting so much yesterday. Blame Al Gore's plane. February 5, 2008 *Points: Do Not Vote, Voter Holding Cells *Truths: Super Tuesday, voting, Mike Huckabee, John McCain, Ron Paul, Colbert Bump, Stephen Colbert What's the best thing to do on Super Tuesday? Vote Obama. Not vote. Watch FOX News. Vote Huckabee, because that will count as a vote for McCain, who is actually Stephen Colbert. Vote Ron PAUL, who will fulfill Reagonomics! Vote Mike HUCKABEE, who will make Stephen Colbert Vice President even if he isn't McCain. February 4, 2008 *Points: Find your Caucus, Democratic Unity, Cocky Hawaiians *Truths: Super Tuesday, voting, The Liberal Media, Super Bowl, Real Americans, Rupert Murdoch, FOX Sports What is "Super Tuesday"? A liberal myth propagated by the liberal media. The Tuesday before the Super Bowl. Something real Americans would care about if they read or voted. There is only one super day - Super Bowl Sunday, brought to you by FOX Sports, a Rupert Murdoch corporate subsidiary. February 3, 2008 Super Poll *Points: Obama Girl *Truths: Osama bin-Laden Girl, cheerleaders, football, Patriots, The Holy Bible, Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee Rumor has it there's a "Super Bowl" today. Who will win the Super Bowl? Giants are the Goliaths. Patriots never lose. Which team has Obama Girl cheering for it? The Pauls. The Huckabees. February 2, 2008 *Points: Cable News Hotties *Truths: Papa Bear, Fox News, Sean Hannity, CNN, Nielsen Ratings, Real Americans, Rupert Murdoch What's the best part of Fox News leading cable news programming? More banks will put it on waiting line TVs. Rupert Murdoch should be able to buy CNN soon. It proves Nielsen is the most reliable poller of real Americans. Hannity & Colmes is #2. Bill O'Reilly is #1 - Papa Bear for President! Take that Olbermann! February 1, 2008 *Points: Afghanistan Reports, Taliban on Opium *Truths: Afghanistan, Taliban, women, women's Rights, journalists, Supreme Court What's the greatest thing about the new, improved Afghanistan? The Taliban cut and run. It has been liberated. Free markets have increased opium production. It uses the Supreme Court as a best practices model. Journalists and other reporters have the same rights as women. January 31, 2008 *Points: Coffee Climate Crisis *Truths: Global Warming, Al Gore, Hugo Chavez, Tim Russert, The Convenientest Truth, Mitt Romney What shall be done about the algorian reports that global warming is killing coffee? Have Cheney take advantage of the Tim Russert media filter again. Declare Operation South American Sun Block. Require showing the Convenientist Truth as part of every science course. Add Hugo Chavez to the terrorist list. Elect Mitt Romney President. Mormons don't believe in coffee. January 30, 2008 *Points: Blackwater Secret Trials, Democrats Interrogate Mukasey, Ball Experiments *Truths: Blackwater, Attorney General Mukasey, interrogation, trial, activists Should Blackwater protesters be imprisoned or sent to serve in Iraq as volunteer janitors for Halliburton and the troops? Imprisoned. To Iraq with them. Shouldn't they be deported to Iran? Torture them until they give up the names of their activist supporters. January 29, 2008 *Points: The President's State of the Union, Charges to keep *Truths: The Greatest President Ever!, Charge to Keep, Katherine Harris, Michele Bachmann Was this the greatest State of the Union address? OMFG! LOL! Is too late to harvest his stem cells? Was that Katherine Harris or Michele Bachmann feeling the spirtit of the Lord? Cheney pwnd Pelosi - again! Taxes need to be raised so faith-based schools for poor children can make it required viewing. January 28, 2008 *Points: Halliburton's Rising Profits, $70 Billion more, Foreign Imports *Truths: Halliburton, The Greatest Vice President, Pentagon, billion Who will the profit-hating liberals blame when they discover Halliburton's rising profits? Government contracts for Iraq. Underpaid labor. Their ability to avoid hiring Jew lawyers. Cheney's cronies. The Pentagon for giving their profits immunity. January 27, 2008 *Points: Bearophilia Top 10, Bear Headline News *Truths: bears, bear baiting, Sexiest Wiki User Alive, Wikipedia, Wikinazis A bear, a squirrel, and a turtle appeared in the Wikipedia's top 10 photos of 2007. No photos of Stephen were even voted on. How can Wikipedia redeem itself after rewarding bearophiles? Include apologies to Stephen in the voters' comment section. Auction the photos instead of giving them away. Put a bear alert level on Wikipedia's main page. Add a Stephen Colbert photo library site called Wikibert. Name Stephen's biggest photo of 2007 as the year's sexiest photo. January 26, 2008 *Points: North American Scum *Truths: music, country, writers, Texas What was the best song of 2007? North American Scum. That country one. That gospel one. That one about Texas. All songs are by writers and all writers are liberals and therefore all songs hate America. January 24-25, 2008 There were no polls on these dates. If you remember otherwise, you can request backup evidence from the White House Computer Archives. January 23, 2008 *Points: Recycled tapes, White House email *Truths: email, tubes, Internets, no-bid contract, Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation Who received the no-bid contract to maintain the White House email archives? IBM Apple Hewlett Packard Microsoft The Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation January 22, 2008 *Points: Torture list, White House Email *Truths: Canada, "torture", writers, God's Country, Michael B. Mukasey Who will Canada blame for putting God's Country on the list of countries that torture? The Foreign Affairs Department. The writers' union. Bear threats. Attorney General Mukasey An email from Vice President Cheney's office. Archives Continue the Great American tradition by voting after the polls close: Poll Archives __NOEDITSECTION__